When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
