how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
