I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i've created a new STD.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
