Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
