I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I look better un-naked...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
