i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
