i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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