Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
