I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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