It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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