Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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