Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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