just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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