I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
