My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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