...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
