I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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