i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
