I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
