I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
