I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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