I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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