I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
