I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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