There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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