I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
