There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
