She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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