Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
