whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
