Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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