glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
