is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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