I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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