Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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