I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
