I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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