don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
