He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
