whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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