you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
