Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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