You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Congratulations! We have a period
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