I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
