The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
