NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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