remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
