Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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