she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
