I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
