Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
